Master of the House
by Eternal Imagination
Summary: Matau singing... should you be worried? Song from Les Miserables. rated T to be safe


_**Master of the House**_

Toa Metru style!

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Matau smiled as another Matoran entered his inn and went to greet him, ready to play the pleasantries and then later steal all and everything the Matoran left unwatched, he was after all the innkeeper. 

"Welcome, Monsieur, sit yourself down and meet the _best_ innkeeper in town, as for the rest, all of 'em crooks: rooking their guests and cooking the books. Seldom do you see honest men like me a gent of good intent, who's content to be..." 

By this time, The other Toa Metru and everyone else in the inn was swaying in their chairs, listening to the unseen band playing music and to what Matau was saying, Matau just kept singing his song with a sly smile on his face. "...Master of the house, doling out the charm, ready with a handshake and an open palm. Tells a saucy tale, makes a little stir, customers appreciate a bon-viveur, glad to do a friend a favor; doesn't cost me to be nice. But nothing gets you nothing, everything has got a little price!"

From her place by the stairs Nokama watched Matau with an annoyed look, her arms crossed over her waist and her foot tapping a little, so much for Matau changing his ways.

"Master of the house, keeper of the zoo, ready to relieve 'em of a sou or two, watering the wine, making up the weight, pickin' up their knick-knacks when they can't see straight. Everybody loves a landlord, Everybody's bosom friend; I do whatever pleases, Jesus! Won't I bleed 'em in the end!"

Vakama, Nuju, Oneua and Whanua joined in the song, looking annoyed and rather tired of Matau's ways too. "Master of the house, quick to catch yer eye, Never wants a passerby to pass him by, Servant to the poor, butler to the great, Comforter, philosopher, and lifelong mate! Everybody's boon companion, Everybody's chaperone."

Matau smirked. "But lock up your valises, Jesus! Won't I skin you to the bone!" he quickly pushes Vakama aside to welcome another Matoran came in, ignoring Vakama's glare. "Enter Monsieur, lay down your load, unlace your boots, rest from the road." He picked up the heavy bag and then smirked; dropping it on Nuju's opens hand. "This weighs a ton, travel's a curse, but here we strive to lighten your purse. Here the goose is cooked, here the fat is fried, and nothing's overlooked, 'til I'm satisfied."

He made a sweeping gesture to the tables behind him. "Food beyond compare. Food beyond belief, mix it in a mincer and pretend it's beef, kidney of a horse, liver of a cat, filling up the sausages with this and that. Residents are more than welcome; bridal suite is occupied. Reasonable charges plus some little extras on the side!" he smiled pulling out a note book and a pencil. "Charge 'em for the lice, extra for the mice, Two percent for looking in the mirror twice. Here a little slice, there a little cut, Three percent for sleeping with the window shut. When it comes to fixing prices, There are a lot of tricks he knows How it all increases, all them bits and pieces, Jesus! It's amazing how it grows."

"Master of the house, quick to catch yer eye, Never wants a passerby to pass him by, Servant to the poor, butler to the great, Comforter, philosopher, and lifelong mate! Everybody's boon companion, Gives 'em everything he's got." The others in the Inn sang out again, and Matau smiled, looking proud of himself. "Dirty bunch of geezers, Jesus! What a sorry little lot!" 

Nokama sighed and moved from her place, looking towards everyone in the inn. "I used to dream that I would meet a prince, But God Almighty, have you seen what's happened since?" she sang out, making Matau look towards her and suddenly become very edgy. "Master of the house? Isn't worth me spit! `Comforter, philosopher' and lifelong shit! Cunning little brain, regular Voltaire thinks he's quite a lover but there's not much there," there was a round of chuckles and sniggers from those in the inn. "What a cruel trick of nature landed me with such a louse, God knows how I've lasted living with this b****** in the house!" 

Matau turned to the inn, determined not to lose his face in front of everyone. "Master of the house-!" 

"Master and a half!" Nokama put in, smiling and pushing Matau out of her way a little.

"-Comforter, philosopher-" Matau and the others continued.

"Don't make me laugh!" Nokama spat out with a mocking laughter. 

"-Servant to the poor, butler to the great-" the inn sang out again with Matau.

"Hypocrite and toady and inebriate!" Nokama corrected with a smirk as the other Toa chuckled. 

"Everybody bless the landlord! Everybody bless his spouse!" The Matoren in the inn sang as Matau and Nokama looked at each other.

"Everybody raise a glass!" Matau sang with a smile lifting a glass to the air, as did many of the Matoran.

"Raise it up the master's a***!" Nokama cheered and everyone but Matau lifted a glass with her, cheering in approval. 

"Everybody raise a glass to the Master of the House!" sang out the whole inn, before laughing about it for the rest of the night.

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OK I don't own anything in the fic, just the idea.

YES it is Bionicle, I have never writen anything to do with Bionicle before, so I hpe I haven't upset any Bionicle fans with this.

The song is 'Master Of the House' from the musical/film Les Miserables, I don't own that or Bionicle.

**THIS WAS DONE SIMPLY FOR THE LAUGHS AND BECAUSE I HAD THE FUNNY FEELING THIS IS THE KIND OF SONG MATAU WOULD SING.**

**YOU NO LIKE IT? THE BACK BUTTON WORKS JUST FINE.**


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